(S O R R O W) 1/8/2004

Why must i feel this way..? Why? Why? Its all your fault but i can't blame you cos its not you're fault. Tak faham?? Its ok.. Its what i feel inside of me. Its better for u not to understand. Damn!! Im reallie reallie lost inside. Angst, Happiness, confusion, depression, lost, lost, lost. Why must i feel this wae..? Wacky, crappy, funny, friendly exterior, but inside - A lost child in a shopping mall, ship lost at sea, face without a name, a bird that lost its wings, a door without a key. Why...? Why must i..? Somebody please guide me... I want it to stop but how? how?? Please make it go away... I beg of you.

Why must it be me?? Why must it affect me?? Of all the people, why me?? Its all YOU..!! Im not angry at you, dont take it the wrong way. Its not your fault. You are what you are. Why must it be you?? Its lucky you cant read this. Things happen, for the good and for the bad. Im angry with myself. This wounds they may not heal, confusing what is real and what is not. My walls are closing in. All mixed up. So insecure, so.... I cant even find the words to describe and its all because of U. F*#%..!!! I dont wanna feel this wae. Take me back to the way it was, please.. The truth is, i dunno what to do anymore.. Thats why i'm so f*$%-ed up.. Trying to find someone else to blame, but its me that i should blame Arrghh..!!! Please make it go away. When you see me, I wont even show it. Let it go.. should i?? but.... nvm. Theres so much i wanna say to u, so much i need you to know, but i know i just cant.

Life sux!! The only thing to look forward to, and make me forget about you, are my friends. For that , i wanna say thank you, to each and evryone of you. You know who you are. No need to mention any names. Its you people, who are close to me and have made a difference in my life. Happy when i'm with you guys.. The people i laugh with, the people i converse with, the people i consoled to, the people i CRAP with. It is U who take me away from my problems. For that, i thank you. Especially you, my new best friend. People elsewhere are moaning the death of their family, and here i am, selfishly grumbling. What to do.. Sorry, but thats how i feel. Nobody can change that.. Sat gonna see the Floorball guys play soccer from 9 - 5. Riezal jadi keeper yang aku nak tengok, and lookin forward to sunday's training.. Cyazi will overcome it, one way or another... that is my promise

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(makan with Farah Vierra) 1/11/2004

The past few days, i've found out just how caring some of my friends reallie are. U know who u are.. One of them, unexpectedly, is a person whom i just met and i know the least about, compared to my other friends.. Thanx again yea.. Dunno how many times ive said it.. haha but seriously lah.. It reallie shows. Moving on.. waited for SOMEBODY for 15 mins to have lunch with on Sundae. haha.. (Siape eh??)Makan at Mcdonalds Bukit Batok. Talked about 'stuff', her upcoming play 'somsang' or 'sohmsung' or maybe 'samsung' haha(tak tau spell dah..) Acting as a prostitute kan? haha.. Got any 'action' scenes tak..? hehe.. Sure i'll come, if im not too BUSY, unlike...... haha. Just dont forget to inform me bout the details aite..?

We went 4 training afterwards. Hahaha.. Found out something in the train. Apparently, my birthday is the same as Farah's mother, so kalau nak belikan birthdae present tu, dont forget to buy for me as well tau.. haha apeda! Reached dover at about 1:45 We were early. I thought the regular early birds like Farok and Akil dah sampai, but nobody there.. ( Eleh.. macam tak tau gitu, training pukul 2, datang pukul 2:30 haha ) Training started.. Our regular coach/player - Jie 'W'ong was away, playing in the 1st division league. So too were Huda, Dzaf, Ah Shan and Zana.. (The last two belen belen je.. hehe) So the remainder all the kental kental who are not good enough to play in division 1.. haha (termasuklah aku skali..)

Ah Shan and Zana came from MI after having played in the league. Ah Shan, wearin all blue looked like a Japanese floorballer. So too was Zana (baju je macam Japan, tapi skill, JAUH..!!) hehe Akil was the acting coach for the day.. How do you think he fared..? Oklah Akil.. hehe but the trainings a bit disorganised dah, a bit noisy too, especially the minahs from Taszillian.. haha (rilek ar..) Before training, we were practicing our shots. I was the makeshift defender.. Then Ah Shan's shot kena my uh.. 'that' part.. yes 'THAT' area. Bullseye lagi.. Punyelah sakit.. Damn you Ah Shan..! Watch your shots lah.. haha Now i know how Gay Focker (Meet The Fockers) must feel.. I squirm evrytyme i think of it.. tapi i got a good shot of Wani's left thigh.. Oooh Sedapnye!!! haha (kalau nak lagi, just tell me ok Wani? anityme.. haha)

Timothy Quek came down to join us for training. He was hunting for mooses.. haha get it? If you're as blur as a 'dodo bird' (hehe) then nvm. wahahaha..! Akil, Farok, Adzmin and Hafiz were shortlisted to join their training but not confirm whether they can join the other mooses.. haha.After some skill training sessions, we played a few matches. Initially it was supposed to be mixed but then the other group's girls, dun wanna mix.. Anti! haha So we played, ( aku ader tunjuk sikit modok dribble aku.. wahahaha.. ape saje!) We ended training around 6 plus. By then, most of the girls have gone off oredy. All thats left were Wani, Jolyn and that cock shooter... Basket!!! Hope Dzafiimorientes, dont forget to help me ask eh.. Im tired of havin trainings juz once a week. Boring dah..! OK thats all for now.. thanx for drooppin by, dun 4get 2 tag.. Cyaz..!!

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(Rizal sleeps in mosque) 10/16/2004

Yo..!, or should i say.. Assalamualaikum haha.. Nak step alim ni. Katerkan bulan Ramadhan, bulan yang suci dan mulia, bulan yang Allah banyak memberi berkat. Hahaha.. macam pak haji dah. Its been some tym since i've blogged. As you'all noe, todae's the 1st dae of puasa(fasting month). Happy ar..! You noe why? cos i can cut down on my spending, which means i can save more, which means i can faster settle the debt i have with Ming Jie(I bought his floorball stick). Had an okay dae todae, a bit tired lah.. I'm not the only one. Every single 'jemaah'(people who went for friday prayers) were also restless. Could tell by the sound of their voices. 'VERY ENTHUSIASTIC!!' haha.. Evryone was lyk half dead, Bacer doa, setakat 'Amin' also tak larat seh.. haha. Even Rizal, who was sitting beside me teros K.O(tidur). Skarang semuer orang tahu rizal tidur dalam masjid! haha rilek ar Zal, aku pun tido. Jangkit dari kau..

When came back from the mosque, i had the Geomatics practical exam. Its superness the simplest wan..(fantastic grammer huh..?) Oh ya.. Speaking of exams, mines coming up this mondae, all the wae thru thursdae. Apeda..?! why can't they have lyk one or two daes interval before the next exams, so that we'all could study?(Lagi tak tahu eh.. We'all Singaporean where got study so early?? Alwaes last minute wan.. haha. Correct anot?). Saturdae still need to go to woodbridge for the CD. Should recommend Najibah to admit herself inside. Seemed suitable for her, can also mix around people her type. Betul tak Naj? hahaha... Sundae also gonna go Harbourfront, maybe alone(independant lah.. kirekan), to study. Exam on monday. Ok lah, Gotta go oredy. Need to 'sahur'(very early morning breakfast) and pray also (alim pe..) so, to all my Muslim friends, selamat berpuasa and dont do anything yang dihalangi tuhan pada bulan yang mulia ini.. and to all the non-muslims(jolyn, jenn, fabian) who could not understand what i wrote, dun worry, its something bad about each of you ok.. ADIOZ..